clone

This is the end.
I am a shell. A tomb.
I am where I began.
Naked. Cold. Afraid.
I can only seem to clone myself in patterns that are far too played out.
And even then, the fabric just doesn't seem to hold.
My heart cries out with every stitch removed.
This wasn't made for this.
I wasn't made for this.
Am I where I began?
Or has my digression forsaken my progress?
Backwards. Forwards.
Who can tell with this thick, wet blanket coating everything I know.
I am the opposite of grace.
I am the opposite of humility.
I am the opposite of worthy.
I am the opposite of everything that is good.
I am the opposite of You.
How can we coexist?!
I can see no way to merge.
No possible coalescence.
I can't see anything.
Absolved into a thin piece of remorse,
I am fully prepared to shatter at even the slightest nuance.
I am regret.


But I, dear one, am not.
I am redemption.
I am desire.
I am who you are not.
I am who I am.
I am.

And I believe in you.

Feel the beat of life once more, child.
Sometimes you have to feel the sting of life simply to remember you are alive.
And sometimes you fall.
But fret not, my sweet child.
I am forever yours.
And you are forever mine.
Let that be enough for just this one solitary evening.
We shall face the challenges of the new day on the morrow.
Together.
Now rest.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

yes please.

i think the time has come for constant ingestion of massive quantities of this:

it's crazy

how god can provide sometimes. especially if you just trust him. i really don't know where i'd be without him right now. pursuing your dreams can be hard. very hard. especially when you have nights like i did on saturday, when i found out there was $6 in my checking account. yes, 6. but god is good. he provides for my needs. i do have more than that in my account now, just in case you were wondering. this whole chasing after what i want thing is really scary, especially the financial aspect, but god is always providing. always giving me new avenues. i have a lot of exciting things in the works right now. working on finalizing some big shoots (not necessarily money wise, but contact wise at least), i'm actually in the process of starting a new band, i believe we're set to record this coming weekend. so who knows, maybe i'll actually get to head back out on tour some time soon. that would be neat. all in all, i just wanted to write something to attest to god's overall goodness in my life. even when it's dark, and it seems like i'm not doing the right thing, or what i want to do won't work out, god shows up out of nowhere and gives me what i need. i'm still alive. still breathing. there's still food in my fridge. my heat is on. i may be living meagerly at the moment, but i'm still living. and there's a lot to be said purely in that fact. i'm happy right now. i love living life in a manner which would scare the crap out of most people, and to be honest, a lot of days it scares me, but i'm right where i want to be, and i wouldn't trade that for anything.

love your life.

help please?!

i am in need of a pretty modern house/high rise apartment with modern furniture, or somewhere with very vintage style furniture for a shoot. i can pay you in hugs and cookies. if you know anyone that has these sorts of digs PLEASE let me know. thanks!

Photographic Dictionary [M]

[M] is for Manly.

man⋅ly  [man-lee] - adverb, adjective

1. having qualities traditionally ascribed to men, as strength or bravery.
2. pertaining to or suitable for males: manly sports.
3. Archaic. in a manly manner.

Photographic Dictionary [L]

[L] is for Leaf.

leaf  [leef] – noun

1. one of the expanded, usually green organs borne by the stem of a plant.
2. any similar or corresponding lateral outgrowth of a stem.
3. a petal: a rose leaf.
4. leaves collectively; foliage.

it seems

that every time i have something that seems good going for me, it just falls through. i have no place here. i do not belong.

i am the vines of the sea. and comfort eludes me.