it's been a while

so i've kind of been ignoring this thing lately. not really on purpose, i just feel like i haven't had the proper motivation to write anything, which is pretty much because i haven't been doing anything with my life. i don't have a job. i don't have a car. i just sit at home, read books, play guitar, watch movies, then i go lift, and then come home and do more of the same. every day. it's a war on monotony, and monotony is currently winning. it's blasting my senses into a complete oblivion, drenching all of my nerves in novocaine. it just keeps becoming harder and harder to feel anything. but i'm still fighting, and i think that's important. i haven't given up hope yet. i have so many things looming on the horizon, possibilities, hopes, dreams, aspirations, and right now i'm just playing the waiting game, waiting to see what comes down the chute at me. for a while now it's been nothing. but i still have hope. something has to come soon. it has to.

i think the biggest thing that i've been realizing in all of this time is the lack of connection i have to this place now. to denver. to colorado. there's just nothing there anymore. i think especially not having a car and being immobile has made me realize that i'm a complete shut in here. no one cares. i can't really reach out and make plans with anyone, because i have no way of transporting myself to those plans, so it's like in a way, i'm giving everyone here the ultimate friend test. and they're all losing. and if you don't have people, then what do you have? some buildings and shopping centers and the familiar sillhouettes of mountains looming in the distance. and that's not enough to keep anyone around, unless they're an idiot.

i'm desperately in need of change. this place is just no longer healthy for me, it's no longer where i need to be. denver was great to me for the time i was here, and it will always be home, but it's just time to move on. sometimes you just gotta cut your losses and move on, and that's exactly what i intend to do. my soul has needed that for some time, and i've known for some time that it's what i've needed, but due to some constraints i haven't been able to leave. my lease is up at the end of may, and i just can't imagine having a reason to stay here anymore. this place is valium to my senses. i'm just numb. i need a fresh start. i need a new place. i need to be surrounded by people that actually ignite my soul.

and this is just rambling. i've talked about nashville so many times before, but this time i think it's just inevitable. two of my closest friends in the world, who i've missed every day since they moved away from denver will be moving there in the spring. another of my closest friends is considering moving there, and i'm hoping to convince him as soon as possible to go with me. and really the only friend i have left in colorado that is close enough at this point in my life to be of any consequence in my decision to move will more than likely be moving out of state when he gets his degree in may. and that's it. i've been building to this for a long time i feel like, and it just feels completely right at this point to move on.

everything that ignites my spirit is centered in nashville. music and photography are the only two things i've cared about for as long as i can remember, and nashville is the nation's capital of both. i can't imagine a better place to start working in the music industry, and interning for a photographer at the same time and getting my foot into that industry for more of a long term position. it sounds fantastic.

so that's my rant for the evening. colorado, i'd say that i'll miss you, but oddly i don't think i will.