you are not the sun

life is funny sometimes. i had a good conversation last night with one of my best friends, that prompted me to make a decision to do something that i've needed to do for a long time. it prompted me to try and have a conversation with a person who i have desperately needed to have a conversation with for a long time now, and could never man up and commit myself to doing it. i would always think i could and then i'd just chicken out at the last minute. so after a good conversation with my friend (and a bit of liquid courage), i contacted this person who has contacted me about talking so many times, and said i was finally ready to have this conversation. and the feeling wasn't reciprocated. which hurt a little bit, i'll admit. but today i feel amazing. for the first time in the last year and a half, none of this is on me. i don't feel responsible for it anymore.

today i woke up to a new sun. a sun that isn't her.

i think i'm ready to just let that be what it is. finally.